If you've ever rafted before, you may have already guessed that Guides sometimes fib a little. Why this happens is a mystery...even to those lying Raft Guides. At ACE, we want you to know the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so, as a service to you, we provide this list of some of the more common fabrications.

Many lies take the form of answers to your questions. For reasons unknown, many of the nefarious rapscallions on the river seem incapable of truthfully answering even the simplest and most innocent question. Here are a few.

"How deep is the water?"
The lie: "About waist-high on a duck."
Alternative lie: (after holding his paddle to his ear and tapping the shaft) "Hmmm...looks to be about 21 feet, seven and nine sixteenths inches."

"How does that guy get in that kayak?"
The lie: "All kayakers are actually amputees. They don't have any legs."
Alternative lie: "There are holes in the floor and he's actually walking on the bottom."

"When's lunch?"
The lie: "In about 45 minutes."

"Where's the next rapid?"
The lie: "Right around the bend."

"What's that old building?" (referring to the Pump House near Upper Kaymoor rapid on the New River)
The lie: "The powder house." (a lie of ignorance, not malice)
Alternative lie: "It's ol' Fort Kaymoor, where Daniel Boone fought off 5000 indians single handed."

How to get back at your Guide when he (she) lies....

Most Guides can't resist telling you that any question can be answered by one of three stock answers: They'll tell you that if your question involves time, the answer is..."about 45 minutes." If it involves distance, the answer is..."right around the bend." And for any other question, the answer is..."it varies." They think this is really cute. If your Guide tells you about the three answers to any question, immediately respond by asking this question..."what is your sexual orientation." The Guide's momentary confusion, coupled with the hilarious laughing of your friends in the raft, will put you back in the driver's seat.

Another retaliatory measure is to reply with lies of your own. If you keep a straight face when you respond, you'll love watching that lying river bum squirm. For example, your Guide will invariably ask you what you do for a living. Answers like "I'm with UPS and came to deliver that penile implant you ordered" or "I'm with the IRS and I'd like to talk to you after the trip" will confuse the lying rascal and get you back on an even footing in the battle of wits.