How was I to know that one afternoon could change my life? You never know when love will find you. I never expected “The Notebook.” Frankly, I expected “Grumpy Old Men.” When we met, it was like in a movie. I was walking toward her and everything became slow motion. I tried to play it cool but she had me at hello. I felt a goofy grin come over my face and I knew it was love. People always say that when you know, you know. I knew.
We spent the afternoon together with some other co-workers. They could tell I had it bad for her. She let me call her B. B. She seemed to understand my every move. And she was such a good listener. I talked and talked and she was a captive audience. Then Trish was there to get our picture. Normally, it would have been corny to get a picture on your first date but this seemed OK. It was love.
The afternoon came to an end and I didn’t want to say goodbye. B. B. is a woman of few words. And I felt nervous. What if we never saw each other again? What if this was it? This one afternoon of happiness was all the universe would allow. Damn the universe. Love will be mine. Why must you give me a taste of happiness and rip it away? Like Romeo and Juliet. Jack and Rose on the Titanic. Curses.
I guess I need to tell you the truth. I am not ashamed. Our love is fine. It is 2010. B.B. is actually an ATV. Her full name is Big Bird and we are planning a man / ATV love march on Washington.
We were doing a promotional shoot about our ATV tours and I was included. My brother owns an ATV for hauling his dead deer carcasses. I had never ridden one and really had no desire. However, I decided to take one for the team and be a good sport. It also doesn’t help that I have zero coordination. I have rhythm. Rhythm is different.
So we are preparing to depart after my instruction and they said to roll and pop it into gear. To me, “pop it” has a totally different definition. After that slight hiccup, we were off. And really I loved it. It was liberating. We went all over ACE property. Places I didn’t even know existed.
At certain points, the snow was undisturbed except for miscellaneous animal tracks. I never want to be face to face, one on one with any animal. Bear. Bobcat. Squirrel. Let’s get this straight. I do not mess with animals. A raccoon tried to get into my back door once and it was on like Donkey Kong. I was ready to do battle while the raccoon gave me a dismissive look. Then and there I knew I was no animal whisperer.
At one point, we rode on ACE trails down to the New River. There was a huge rock face dripping with icicles. Really impressive.
Now I am very pro-ATV. I encourage everyone to try it. Not all of you will be as lucky as I was to find love, but you can always dream. If not an ATV, I have a cute lawnmower I can fix you up with. Maybe we can double date.
