Launching into 2012

Last year, we here at ACE offered up some ways to keep your New Year’s resolutions. Hopefully they were of some use to you. Now that you’ve shed those unwanted pounds, cleaned out the attic and knitted your own snuggie, let us share our 2012 resolutions with you, along with tips on what and what not to do to see them through.

1. Stay Hydrated.

Methods to keep resolution:

  1. CamelBak hydration pack.
  2. 14-foot raft.
  3. Choice of New or Gauley Rivers – (Feeling extra parched? Include both).
  4. Zip Line at ACE Lake.

Methods to avoid:

1. Dragging around one of these a giant misting fans.
2. Sensory deprivation chamber.
3. Anything that kicks in your mammalian diving reflex
4. A greenhouse suit. Lots of glass, lots of motion. Enough said.
5. Jelly – I mean really, it’s not even that wet and have you seen the way yellow jackets flock to the stuff at picnics.

2. Gain altitude.

Methods to keep resolution:

  1. Zip Line Tour along the New River Gorge.
  2. The Blob at ACE Lake.
  3. Ride high on the Pillow at Pillow Rock.
  4. Rock climbing in the New River Gorge.
  5. A walk on the New River Gorge Bridge catwalk.

Methods to avoid:
1. ACME bat suit.
2. Any machine that even remotely resembles what you see on the left.
3. Giant wings held together with wax (see: Icarus, flight of).
4. Harnessing the power of a million stinging insects.
5. Hydrogen-filled dirigible.

3. Go faster
Methods to keep resolution:

  1. Mountain biking in the New River Gorge.
  2. The Terminal Velocity zip at ACE (at more than 800 feet long, the view goes by awfully fast).
  3. Lost Paddle on the Upper Gauley.
  4. An ATV tour that winds through ACE’s 1500-acre resort.

Methods to avoid:

1. Applying a non-caloric silicon-based kitchen lubricant to your aluminum saucer.
2. Ice skates and a jet pack.
3. A bucket full of ball bearings.
4. Giant sling shot.
5. Anything with Evel Knievel stripes on it. Seriously.

4. Laugh. A Lot.

Methods to keep resolution:

  1. Get outside with friends.
  2. New River in the Spring.
  3. Water slide on ACE Lake.
  4. Mud obstacle course (it’s hard not to laugh when you’re that dirty).

Methods to avoid:

1. Pauly Shore Marathons. Can you remember the last time anything remotely funny came from that man? (See what we did there? Remotely? As in Remote Control? Never mind).
2. Going to the dentist for laughing gas.
3. Tickling.
4. Clowns. We’re not even kidding.

5. Sound our barbaric YAWP! (with apologies to Walt Whitman)

Methods to keep resolution:

  1. Summer Gauley trips.
  2. Bullhorn.
  3. Any of the toys on ACE Lake.
  4. New River rafting – any time.
  5. 12-foot boats on the New or Gauley.

Methods to avoid:

1. Bear wrestling.
2. Alligator wrestling (pretty much any large animal wrestling).
3. Juggling honey badgers (Turns out they DO care).
4. Human cannonball classes.
5. Donning a superhero costume and actually using it.

So there you have it. You can be assured we will be doing everything we can to fulfill our resolutions and if you’d like to jump on the bandwagon, well, there’s plenty of room.

May 2012 be everything you want it to be!

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This entry was posted in Bridge Catwalk, Climbing and Rappelling, Family Vacation, Gauley River Rafting, Mountain Biking, New River Gorge, New River Rafting, other adventures, Tips, West Virginia Rafting, Zip line canopy tours and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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