Spring has sprung.
This is the time of year that you start making plans about where to travel this year, which adventures you’ll explore. Needless to say, we have plenty of ideas about what experiences make for fun vacations.
But sometimes you get led astray. Hey, it’s alright. We’re here to help you out. In case you were on the fence for your next vacation, here is the lowdown on some ideas you’re better off avoiding.
1. Gator Wrestling School. Fun Factor: 6, right up until your hands slip at which time the factor is dependent on your speed.
Something about hanging out with carnivores that smile all the time that’s way more unnerving than Grayhound Rapid at 7 feet on the Lower New River. We’re willing to bet the gator is grinning for a whole different reason.
2. Crossword Puzzle Cruise. Fun Factor: 1.83
Yee. Haw. Boats and words. Get ready for the ultimate thrill ride. It’s like Words with Friends without actually interacting with friends. They’re real. And the clues will leave you wondering if you learned anything at all in school. These are real, people. We’re not against such exercises, just not sure we want to make a vacation of it. If you like boats and words, hit the Lower New and enjoy the dulcet tones of your river guide as they relay history, lunch instructions and how to hold your paddle.
3. Auditioning for Wipeout. Fun Factor: 10. That is until you face the Sucker Punch (Then it’s a 1).
If you haven’t seen Wipeout, it’s a lot like running through an automatic car wash while being pummeled by massive boxing gloves. Seriously, check out the video. Oh yeah, and you’re timed. All this for the privilege of being broadcast on TV while you humiliate yourself. Why not get splashed in style, rafting in West Virginia with your friends, where almost no one is laughing AT you.
4. Volcano Vacations. Fun Factor: 5 (Inversely proportional to small arms fire and lava volume)
There’s nothing fun about a 660-foot fountain of fire. Add in the fact that you need armed guards just to get to this dicey proposition. Face it, wouldn’t you rather raft on white water river than flee a river of molten rock spewing from a mountain top. Us too.
5. Standing in Line. Anywhere. Fun Factor: Doesn’t even register. Look, it’s not like that mouse in the oppressive heat of Florida is going to ask you to come back to his private digs to chill. You get to wait in line just like everyone else, with everyone else. The only lines on the New River are the ones you take through the rapids.
So there you have it. It doesn’t matter what the calendar says. The birds are chirping, daffodils are in full bloom and you can wear your flip flops without worrying about frost bite (at least during the day). And the New River is loaded with sweet, 100 percent AWA certified white water all spring, summer and fall.